Love is pain and everything terrible you want it to be in the 21st century but when it comes to Valentine’s day, no one wants to be caught lagging.
Actually, the whole oppression starts right before Christmas with all the cute pyjamas pictures and yearly picture mash-ups. You know what? We really don’t care about them and theirs so most of us throw a middle finger to the hullabaloo (winks*) till Valentine’s when we get hit with the rock of reality. Without a val? Wanna bag someone before it ends up being lonely and giftless? I have ten tips for you but only a few will work for you based on your courage, tenacity and account balance. Let’s dive right into it…
1. Get Your Crush Flowers
The most important thing to have here is modesty with a touch of buoyancy. The modest part is sending out flowers with a cute note while the buoyant part is adding a clothing piece you will love to see them wear on your Valentine’s date.
Trust me, you can pull this off.
2. Cook For Your Unmarried Neighbour
Most times, what you’re looking for that seems so far is right in your pocket you just didn’t look. Your sexy neighbour might have been eyeing you all along but just couldn’t speak up. As the intentional man/woman that you are, you don’t mind being the one who stepped up since you need a val date anyway. Now is the time to cook an extra cup of rice and hope they love the “extra” that’s actually the main meal. Lagos men/women, I said unmarried.
3. Take Back Your Bestie
To be honest with me, you know your bestie is only your bestie by condition. If all the notes hit right and life was in your favour, it should have been you carrying the relationship tag. This val, you don’t have to remain that guy that listens to all the stories, become the main character and hijack your spot now.
4. Snatch Someone’s Man/Woman
Listen up, there’s nothing new under the sky and this is a regular feature of dating in 2023 since there’s husband scarcity. Relationships are so fickle and are especially sensitive during Valentine’s. Be that person that does what their person isn’t doing for them.
Kindly note this only works when you’re shameless. “She has to be home with her parents that day? I’m actually free in case you wanna hang out “. Boom! You’ve bagged a Valentine’s date.
5. Post Your Account Balance
It’s as simple as that. Show the ladies you’re capable of being their odogwu.
6. Let Them See You
If someone is at least going to ask you out for Valentine, you need to show your face and look like you can be taken out. This is where you start taking very nice and random pictures and posting them for your potential val dates to speak up. Meanwhile, this method doesn’t apply to a specific gender, it’s a double-edged sword, swing it.
7. Send Out A WhatsApp BC
I mentioned that you needed courage for some of these and this one requires a lot of it. You have to be courageous enough to draft a broadcast message to tell people to save your number again because you lost theirs and they should share it on their status.
Trust me, this is the most undercover technique under this category and you can’t afford to sleep on it.
8. Get Your PVC
This one is like securing your future Valentine’s day, it won’t work now but you will see the result next year. Imagine a Nigeria where we don’t have to get so stressed about everything before it works out. Maybe if you didn’t have to worry about some things like ASUU, you will be happily married with kids, a good job and a secure environment.
Your PVC is your one-time ticket to a sweet life, vote wisely.
9. Text Your Ex
And when the worst comes to worst after you’ve reached the end of the tunnel, the only way to go is back (I’m sure that’s not how they said it but you got the context). Go back to your ex and spark up old flames.
The devil you know is better than the angel you know nothing of especially when you don’t even have any angel at the moment. Just take back your devil for the sake of Valentine’s day.
10. Focus On Yourself
A whole you worrying about a val date? Maybe if you send out enough job applications or apply for more scholarships, you might get the positive answer you’ve been anticipating on Valentine’s.
All in all, na mumu dey love. If you don’t get a woman/man after trying one or two, leave love for those that know how to cry.